When thinking of relationships and the level of trust within them, management thinker Stephen Covey’s metaphor of the ‘emotional bank account’ is probably one of the most powerful and useful concepts you can use. It basically means that we maintain a personal ‘emotional’ bank account with anyone with whom we have a relationship – whether it’s staff, colleagues, customers or fellow professionals. The account starts with a neutral balance and, just as with any bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. However, instead of units of monetary value, we are dealing with units of emotion.

The currencies in Covey’s emotional bank account are centred on trust. When we make emotional deposits into someone’s bank account, their trust and confidence in us grows. And our relationship develops and grows.

So, if we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes, and we will enjoy open communication with that person. On the other hand, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develop. Then, if we are to salvage the relationship, we will need a conscious effort to make regular deposits.

Covey suggests there are six major ways of making deposits into emotional bank accounts – and avoiding making withdrawals or going overdrawn.

Pause to reflect

Where are you in the relationships at work that matter most to you? Be honest and think of key relationships that need improving. Write the names of the people below and enter whether you think you have either a positive balance (+) or a deficit (-) for each person.

If you were to share the information with the people on the list and ask them about the state of your emotional bank account, what would they say? Would they feel the balance was correct?